The Transporter Couch

Yesterday or the day before I grew effusive over Robbie Williams. There’s actually a story here.

I have a rich friend named Mark and he bought a Mercedes E…. somthing (some numbers like 360), and it still had the paper license plate on it when he invited me and a couple of others to go for a joyride. (This was about a year ago.)

Now by joyride I don’t mean like a stolen car joyride, but just a drive in the country. The wildflowers are insane this time of year (in fact it WAS almost exactly a year ago!) and it’s nice to just drive around and bask in the color and beauty.

So we’re driving along in fact on Interstate 10, which can be an armpit but proximate to San Antonio (to the west at least) it is the most beautiful and panoramic piece of highway especially in the wildflower season which is March to May. And it’s all very pleasant and there’s a pleasant conversation and some ambient music in the background, and a state trooper passes us but it’s all good.

A moment later Mark’s phone rings. He takes the call but I was engaged with the others so no one paid attention to his conversation, which was quiet. All of a sudden, this Robbie Williams song comes on, the refrain to which is “Let Me Entertain You” and about a minute into the song, which is very very energetic (!) Mark just PUNCHES the gas and we’re zooming down the highway at like 110 mph and he ZOOMS past a state trooper! And I don’t mean he zooms past and slows down bashfully. He just kept going. My friends and I are …. there’s no one word for it, but let’s start with horrified and exhilirated. The trooper’s car is chasing us, lights flashing. State trooper cars in Texas are black and white souped up Crown Victorias, and the lights are imbedded in the grille. They’re menacing looking cars. And this one was CHASING US. And Mark has this hilarious grin on his face and the other three of us had gaping mouths and no color on our face.

And this song is belting LET ME ENTERTAIN YOU!!!!!!! and the sunroof is open and the median is awash in the color of wildflowers beneath a gorgeous blue sky and the valley opens before us…… and NOBODY knows what the FUCK is going on. I take it back, there IS one word for it: surreal.

Personally, I thought Mark had finally snapped his tether. Just ….. ya know, snapped. The girls, well, one of them was curled up in a ball and the other was shrieking stop stop stop and I’m just wondering where the meth is stashed so I can throw it out the sunroof.

And then, like when a rainshower stops, it was all over. Mark just pulled over. And the cop pulls up behind us, and we all expect him to come out with his gun pointed at us and tell us to GET OUT OF THE CAR! But he just sort of moseys over and Mark turns down the music and glides down the window and the cop sticks his head in the window and says, “nice car.” Did I mention surreal?

Then he and Mark just start laughing. Did I mention surreal?

“Don’t do that again, son,” he says and moseys back to his car.