The Transporter Couch

You know how you see someone or some people coming and you just clench up and say, “Oh god, please, why, why, why me?”

Adam and Nari are not those people.

Adam and Nari are this couple that came into my life back in October when I began working at the likka sto. They’re in their mid 20s, a couple from Atlanta. Adam actually spent much of his youth in West Virginia. He’s a goofy white boy, not at all unattractive but unkempt by choice and he could stand to lose a few. And he knows it and he doesn’t care so… cool. He’s a chef and a wine connoisseur and is knowledgable and didactic, boisterous but thoughtful, and a lot of fun and I like him. He’s really sensitive and wears his heart on his sleeve and I like that about him, too, though it may do him disservice down the road. (It may, indeed, already have done him disservice… who can say?)

I don’t actually know where Nari grew up but her dad is Thai and her mother is white and they didn’t stay married and I gather there was some back and forth in her life. I know she lived in Thailand for awhile. She told me pretty early on in our relationship that she’d had to sleep on the floor under a fishtank for a while. I didn’t believe her. (Then again, I told her I’d been married twice in my tortured youth and she didn’t believe me. Maybe we’re playing chicken.) She’s cute and very kind and has many endearing qualities, not the least of which is her sense of humor. I work with her so I know her better than I know Adam, whom I only see occasionally and only socially. I can say anything to her in a joshing manner and she doesn’t get offended. I can comment that she has monster tits (and she does) and she thinks that’s funny. I can fart in front of her. And she farts in front of me. There’s just a level of honesty that is so rarely met. Honesty and frankness about how silly life can and should be sometimes. And as I said, she’s very kind, and she believes in karma, not in such a “what comes around goes around” sort of way but in “peace of mind” sort of way. All this being said, the most phenomenal thing about Nari is her photographic memory. And it is, truly, phenomenal. Picture a 2,000 square foot liquor store jam-packed with 500 brands of vodka, gin, scotch, bourbon, rum, tequila, cordials, Schnapps, brandies, beer, wine, accoutrements, snacks and garnishes. Packed I say. And I pulled “500 brands” out of my butt….. it might be more! I don’t know. But Nari does. Not only does she know every brand, she knows where it is and how many we have in inventory. And while she usually writes a list as she takes stock of what’s on the shelves (for re-stocking purposes) she really can just walk around and look at things and then fill up the cart in the stockroom.

I’ve been to their house on several occasions and it always turns into a party and we… well, *Adam and I*, always end up drinking too much. Adam consumes his share, but Nari isn’t much of a drinker. Not like she’s a judgemental teetotaler but I guess she just isn’t interested. There are usually other guests, too, and it’s always very warm and friendly and cordial. My best story of being at their house is ….. I think it was after the Superbowl and I KNEW I couldn’t drive home and everyone else had gone so they offered me their guest room. I woke up in the middle of the night and it was pitch black. I didn’t know where I was but could just SENSE that I wasn’t in my own bed, in my own bedroom. The sheets were just *different* and the smell was *different* and I was in that purgatorial place where I was still drunk but the itchy edge of a hangover was brushing against my brain and I had to pee but it was dark and I was lost. And confused. And I went to the closet door and opened it and didn’t understand why it wasn’t leading me to a hallway. So I fell back on the bed and lay there wondering where the fuck I was and thinking: I’ve died and gone to hell. This is hell. I’m in hell. Hell! Then I passed back into sleep and woke to a bright day and a totally different sort of hell. A fully matured hangover. It wasn’t late in the day….. I mean, no matter how miserable I feel I always rise with the sun, but I had to go to the primary school to read to my kids so I NEEDED to put myself together. This time, I found the correct door, went out and took the very much-needed bathroom break. Adam and Nari had not yet risen and, it being Monday and their regularly-scheduled day off, probably wouldn’t. So I found some paper and left them a thank you note for their hospitality.

You know how you see some people coming and you say, “Thank god!”? Adam and Nari ARE those people.

They’re getting married in June and I’m very happy for them and very much looking forward to the event!

These are some of my friends.