The Transporter Couch

I’ve mentioned that I work on Friday and Saturday nights at a liquor store. I love the people I work with, but that’s another story. The truth is I worked for 7 years as a bartender, so when I’m out on the floor I engage the customers with some serious aplomb. I’m not afraid to tell them what to do with different liquors and what NOT to do with different liquors. And with different concoctions.

I’ve never been lame enough to call myself a “mixologist,” but I do have a couple of suggestions worthy of the general public.

1. Craft your drink with love. If you’re doing it at home, the company will wait for you to make one drink at a time. If you’re in a bar…. company won’t wait, but focus on your mixture. And good customers (unless you work in a titty bar) WILL wait a moment or so. And if you love your product they will too, and they will love you, and will tip you. And we all love money And if they don’t appreciate your labors, fuck ‘em. That’s what I say.

2. If it’s to be shaken, shake it. I cannot stress this enough. The whole “shaken not stirred” thing was popularized by the James Bond character. It disrupted the notion that a martini would be “bruised” by being shaken. Well the whole notion that martinis can be this way or that is very annoying to me but there are a couple of clear facts. Most everyone likes his martini COLD. And some people like them so cold that ice crystals are afloat…. not ice CUBES….. just a film of crystal. But gone, GONE is the day when some housewife prepares a pitcher of “martinis” (for it isn’t a martini til it’s in the glass with its garnish) and leaves it in the icebox while she finishes her meatloaf. Cold drinks are now largely enjoyed in bars. And for your martini to be COLD, it has to be shaken, not stirred, with ice.

And of course the whole 50s thing when they would shake cocktails in white jackets….. the shaking took on an entertainment value.

Martinis, Margaritas, Manhattans…… Shake the FOOL out of ‘em.

Whiskey Sours, Amaretto Sours, shake ‘em up.

One thing that shaking does is to make things cold, that’s for sure. But shaken drinks served on the rocks, by ALL means shake them WITH the ice. It breaks up and recombines the flavors into the “cocktail.”