Bill Clinton is my Italian Boyfriend
Once I was waiting to cross a street and this woman started shouting at me. “YOU AND YOUR AYE-TAL-YUN BOYFRIEND BETTER LEAVE ME ALONE!” I didn’t know it was me she was yelling at until she hit me on the shoulder. “YOU BETTER GIVE ME BACK MY TV! YOU BETTER NOT COME BACK!”
She was avoiding eye contact with me, and once I had turned to face her, she stared at my chest. She had seen better times, and she probably could again with medication.
I responded with “I think you’re mistaking me for someone else,” along with other useless statements. The insanity that had jumped me made me feel stupid and apologetic. The absurdity had me stuttering. She kept it up.
The crossing light had changed and this was one of those situations that loudly invite you to just walk away. I did. As I turned she hit me again on the shoulder and shouted. “YOU ARE HORRBILE! YOU AND YOUR AYE-TAL-YUN BOYFRIEND!”
My pulse was skyrocketing with the weirdness of it all and I wasn’t thinking. I shouted back “YOU LEAVE HIM OUT OF THIS!”. This was probably the stupidest thing I could have done–confirming her delusion. I was inviting more of the same just as I was finding an escape. Fortunately, it stunned the woman long enough for me to get half a block away before the screaming commenced.
In remembering this, I realized how similar the exchange was to the most unfortunate political arguments I’ve been in. I criticize a politician’s actions and in response I get a comparison to the actions of politician of an opposing party. I don’t know why I do it, but instead of just walking away from the derailing interjection, I point out how the comparison may not be valid.
Instead of defending my criticism, I end up somehow defending with whom I no association, and for whom I have no respect. This has been happening a lot in respect to our current president and his predecessor.
I would trust neither Bill Clinton nor George W. Bush alone in a rooom with a hot stove. I really need to avoid conversations in which someone apologizes for Mr. Bush by saying that Mr. Clinton did it, or something that could be confused for it, as well.
March 9th, 2006 at 4:12 pm
GET A BLOG
March 15th, 2006 at 4:58 pm
I don’t like encounters with insane people. I like moments that change my mind but that doesn’t mean they have to be traumatic………. Anyway this is about you, not me. ( Apologies. )
Insane people…… that’s about 2/3 of the reason I don’t move to New York. (Evidently it was about me all along. But I thank you for being the Muse)
March 15th, 2006 at 5:01 pm
and your chest is sort of scrawny! Maybe that’s what set her off!
March 16th, 2006 at 9:37 pm
[...] I was recently reminded again of the Case of My Italian Boyfriend. At one point during the most uncomfortable parts of this incident, I thought that this was actually a prank, and that the woman was part of some street theater, or even a candid camera sort of television show, anything to remove myself from the random madness of it all. For a brief moment, I went with it, and appreciated the skill of the illusion. Later, I developed this approach into a defense mechanism. When someone is being an extreme pain in the ass, I imagine I’m in some sort of immersive theater experience which I paid a lot of money to attend, and that my antagonist is a genius actor portraying all that is wrong with humans. This has worked frightfully well sometimes, but mostly not much. It does really help when I’m exposed to someone infected with some loud sort of fanaticism, or going through some sort of customer service nightmare. It doesn’t really help when you’ve got a lot at stake in the interaction. Give it whirl sometime and report back. [...]
March 17th, 2006 at 8:05 am
Actually, I’d readily leave Bill Clinton and GWB alone in a room with a hot stove.
This reminds me, did you see SAW? Did you see SAW II?